Here's My Number

Everybody has got a special day in his life that deserves a monster celebration. And I just had mine in June. Believe it or not, the big 5-0 has finally arrived. Yes, you heard me well. Let me say it again. I just turned fifty. Not that I was exuberantly anticipating to reach this age. On the contrary, I was wishing that I’d stay forty nine in the next few years and never to move from there.( Wish I could lower the number than forty nine but I think that's pushing my luck already.)

However, all of a sudden, I reflected on the glorious years backwards. My eyes suddenly opened to the fact that I’ve already reached the pinnacle of a woman’s blossoming years. I looked back to the past with a grateful heart thanking God that His hands were upon me as I survived the highs and lows of the rollercoaster moments of my life blessed with the protection of a secured safety harness of His love.

 Isn’t that amazing? What else can I ask for?

Truthfully, announcing to the whole world of Facebook and Twitter that I just turned 50 is not something as interesting as announcing a store’s big 50 percent closing out sale.  

Admitting to friends and in worse case, announcing to social networking crowd that you’re a half century old especially those women like me may not be a smart idea. Albeit shows sheer honesty a dauntless move and boldness as bungee jumping in topless.

Either that or you get suspected that you just smoked something illegal for you to be able to write a what-the-hell-was-I-thinking-post saying “I’m celebrating my 50^th today. Yey!”  Translated as “Hey peeps, I’m expected to have hot flashes any time soon.” Yeah, right. Go and announce it to the world.

To be honest, fear started to cripple me as months approached my golden year. Ok, here’s the list of my version of sum of all fears-fear of wrinkles, sagging breasts, wider hips, more gray hair, thick cellulite, prominent varicose veins, uncontrollable weight gain and women’s number one enemy- abdominal obesity. 

Oh, did I mention the stigma of being labeled as menopausal?  regarded as too matronly- sexy in a dignified way but a little less on the hot chic trendy sexy –in other words lower market value started to haunt me.

All of those and the insecurity of less sexually hot anymore but experiencing hot flashes instead is quite overwhelming. All too much for a woman who couldn’t accept that party is over.

On a hindsight, as I pondered on this age dilemma personal issue, I stopped and mulled over- what’s there really to be terrified about being fifty? 

Isn’t this the age that any woman should be proud of? If you come to think of it, the laugh lines above my cheekbones bespeak of how much I see humor in every awkward situation that any young person would’ve frowned about. Wrinkles are sign of wisdom and deeper concern about the future. Sagging breasts remind of maternal love and nurturing a child’s life. Weight gain symbolizes the changes in a woman’s body undergoing stress under pressure while surviving the intricacies of every stage of life.

Reaching 50 is a shining privilege. Reality is-not everybody gets the chance to reach this stage unfortunately. It’s like a reaching a high level status indicating your accomplishments in life and yet survived the strongest hurricanes in love, career, family and health. With all my life’s experiences, I may have been tossed , twirled, slammed and crushed and yet,  I am still standing.

By and large, women of 50 like me are women with a heart made of rock but dashed with golden stardust. One who struggled but emerged with grace and regality like a swan paddling her webbed feet furiously under water gliding  through with poise and serenity afloat.

After saying this, don't you just feel majestic? I do.

 Now, seriously, tell me why I wouldn’t be proud of being a golden girl?

 They say that wine tastes better with age. With hot flashes or not, we definitely still taste a lot better.  Let's drink to that.

 Cheers!