When You're Desperate Or Not So Desperate To Find Mr. Right.

" Why can't I have a normal boyfriend? Just a regular boyfriend, one that doesn't go nuts on me!" Remember that line from the movie "As Good As It Gets?" That was Helen Hunt as Caroll Connely  who said it. One way or another,we all have this Caroll Conelly moments after several hit or miss attempts in finding Mr. Right. 

Sometimes you think that you got lucky enough and claim that you got the jackpot, "He's the one." Yes, I found the him. Then, few months after, you get the surprise of your life when you sulk in a corner sobbing or  whacking your head with the palm of your hand  "Damn, what was I thinking?" 

 Despite the potential Mr. Right's display of -he's- not- into- you- red- flag- sign, what's outrageous is that you still relentlessly float on cloud nine with your delusion that he's Mr. Right for you.

Now what were you really thinking?

Pursuing a relationship with Mr. Wrong (who according to your delusion is Mr. Right) is like jumping in a murky water and expect that water is safe enough to drink. Now let me ask you again, what were you really thinking?

 I know that all of us make bad choices or simply choices that we thought are good for us but eventually turned out bad choices just the same. Nobody is exempted. I'm guilty as charged (not once not twice but for the umpteenth time. Yes, I'm an experienced pro on this one.)

 But choices made out of sheer desperation and impulsiveness to find Mr. Right is downright pathetic and a sign of hopelessness beckoning. And yet most of you consciously or unconsciously do because you are desperate to find Mr. Right.

For various reasons, whether out of self pressure or peer pressure or because of feeling of bereft, you do things that are out of your character  just to turn your personal love conquest  into a fairy tale romance spruced up with happily ever after ending.

Unfortunately, finding the elusive Mr. Right is like shooting your target in a pitch dark room where you'll surely end up missing more than hitting the target. Even if you ask a fairy godmother to twirl her magic wand and send you Mr. Right knocking at your door with a bunch of pretty red roses, it's still not going to happen unless the timing is right.You want that man so badly and you convince  yourself and justify that he's the one when your wit  and gut feel agree that he's not.

 

 So you push to the limit to please him. Call him incessantly. Send IM messages every hour. Check his FB activities ( almost like stalking him) stressing out waiting for his call and reply on your countless messages. Before you know it, there goes your self-respect and dignity down the drain. 

Now, tell me, is it really worth it? Seriously? I don't think so. Realistically, the flow of nature directs you that the more you push it to happen the more it's not going to happen. Whatever you do to lure him in your arms  if he is not into you, you'll end up being frustrated and broken hearted.  

I'm not saying that you give up in finding Mr. Dream Man. The author of the book "A Bride for Mr. Darcy" Mary Lyndon Simonsen imaginatively claimed “‎There is nothing sweeter than finding the right person to love and cherish and to share your hopes and dreams with.”

 I agree. But going overboard is a different story. Don't just grab the wrong man just because you're impatient to wait for God's special gift for you. Never compromise and let your guard down at any point. That's when you start losing your self respect and self-worth.

 

Love yourself first. Loving yourself will give you a stronger leverage to bargain yourself with the man you're longing for. When you are not afraid to conquer life on your own, your value increases twice as much. There's no need to worry about Mr. Beautiful. He's as anxious as you are in finding the right one for him.

 

 Trust me. God is a great match maker. He knows who's the perfect one for you. However, He wants you to be perfect for him too. So start taking care of your beautiful self so you will be capable of loving your future man. You are worthy way more than what you think. Your value is priceless.  And you deserve a priceless value too.

When the time is right, you'll be amazed that a magical force will bring Mr. Beautiful to you unexpectedly sweeping you off your feet as forest  flowers unfold it's natural beauty. You won't need an alignment of stars or throw coins to make your wish come true. 

 Not unless you're wishing for a normal boyfriend. But be as it may, it's still thousand times worth the wait.

.

There's More to Teaching Than What We Know

Being around not with your own biological children every single day and yet act more than just a mother and less than a baby sitter is a challenging feat. There is more than just a responsibility that goes beyond than making sure the student you handle is safe within your care. 

Once students get entrusted to a teacher, the students are hers. It is indeed the prime priority of a teacher to instill learning to children of all ages the basic knowledge that they can use to build a sound future for themselves. 

Moreover, it is supposedly the teacher's paramount goal to discover or rediscover for that matter, a student's inner potentials and skills that he can not only utilize for a bright future but to equip themselves with the basic survival skills in life.

It is indeed a tough job and yet in most places, underpaid.  Just like the soldiers, teachers deprive themselves with a big fraction of their personal time to serve and lay out a solid ground for a student's future -a binding selfless commitment of sharing a part of themselves. 

However, teachers are human too. They are not made of unbreakable steel. They falter, err and struggle with personal issues. And yet, carry themselves with invincible and vigorous bearing to inspire young souls yearning for hope that their aspirations will come to fruition one day .

It's amazing what teachers can do. With an immeasurable amount of self sacrifice, commitment and dedication to their profession, they can make you go farther than what you can envision

Suffice it to say, that teaching is more than just a vocation, it is a pledge that one professional commits to himself never to stop giving up on a student until he becomes the person he wants to be.

To all individuals who touch the hearts of students through teaching, let your light shine the path where your students should go.  Never forget that for each soul that you guide will always be well worth the effort at the end of the day.

Happy World's Teachers Day!

Painful Joy

Body art may look cool, unique and interesting to uninked majority. But for those whose skin with one or  few tattoos especially those who created their skins like wall papers- it wasn’t a fun ride at all.

It’s a known fact that tattoos hurt. Oh yes, they do.  If you do it just for the heck of it or seriously establishing your personal statement-it still gives excruciating pain regardless.

Tat ( short for tattoo) are permanent ink curved on your skin for life. Thanks to modern technology that laser tattoo removal machines  are now available which can erase tattoos any way you want. This makes it easier for tat lovers to rectify or redesign  or retouch old tat or simple leave the skin spot good as new. But still I wouldn’t recommend you to tattoo your lover’s or husband’s or wife’s name on it. They’re not as permanent as tat.

All things considered, those who wish to have their skin inked permanently should give a careful thought of what design they would put on their skin that should be worth the pain. Unfortunately, some people are sloppy with their choice of tat having misspelled words like “Love you’re life”, “ To young to die”, “Tomarrow never knows” a few among other hilarious skin messages. Obviously, if these messages passed the approval of the tat artists, then it makes me wonder do they all have the same English teacher?

Mine is written in Chinese characters so I’m free of English grammar correction. This officially mean “Strong woman “ or “Woman of Strength.” I researched through the internet and sought the translation of my Chinese friends not one but three of them to tell me the meaning in English. And they all replied the same.  As I was told by my Chinese friend, one wrong stroke would mean different in Chinese, so I painstakingly gave instructions to the artist to do exactly the same on the picture to avoid writing the word of “Straw Woman” instead of “Strong Woman.”

Because once it’s there. It’s there forever.

The question is why did I choose “Woman of Strength” as a personal message? Well, simply because I am.  I thrived, survived and braved life’s challenges in the last couple of years. I thought I was knocked down for some time but as resilient as I am, I always get back on my feet in no time.

I pride myself with the fact that I rose up and faced off my personal battles gracefully ( though Christ who gives me strength.)

My tat is my personal self affirmation that steel like character is what I am made of. Yes, the process of sticking tat needle for a good 45 minutes hurt especially when shading (plus the nerve racking sound of the machine made me imagine those serial killer who torture their victims in the movies- didn’t help at all.) So the pain went through my skin during and after the tattooing process. But as the tat artist did his skin craftsmanship on me while I lay on my stomach, I realized that this is just physical pain. And not even a smidgen close to the emotional and psychological pain I’ve learned through my past life experiences. So to my mind, if I was able to make it through those tumultuous moments of my life, then a painful work of art is a piece of cake.

I emerged a winner to life’s battles and passed with flying colors predominantly gold for triumph and success and orange for optimism. As I got up the tattoo table, oblivious of the pain of the sore reddish spot on my back, all I saw was a brilliant work of art. I mustered a smile  and all I could utter was

 “It’s beautiful!” And the work of art is done.

Is Chivalry a Dead Sport?

If you date a man who doesn’t open the door for you or offer you a jacket when it’s cold, then that’s the least of your worry. In this day and age, men offering small sweet gestures like escorting a woman or calling you when he says he will is a rare commodity. Now a days men would let you pay for a dinner date or a drink or asks for money or walk a meter ahead of you in the street.

Now, am I living in a fairy tale where I expect knights in shining armor rescuing a princess from the top window of a castle or am I just stuck up in the 80s where men are more conscious about treating women with tenderness, respect and love to win their hearts.

What is happening to the world now?  Why are men brazen enough to display abrasive and crude behavior towards women? Is it us, women who spoil them too much to keep men in our lives? Or is chivalry really a dead sport that no man plays anymore?

Based on real life experiences that I have gathered from my female friends all over the world who dated all types of men coming from different nationalities and cultural backgrounds, their stories point out to one direction-lack of chivalry among men.

One lady complained of a boyfriend who doesn’t even offer to carry her grocery bags. One guy even didn’t pay for a lunch date and expected a lady to pay for it. While another chick said that she was even charged of a gas bill while she visited her on a trip to the US. My best friend’s boyfriend even didn’t pick her up at the airport at 2 am in the morning during a cold winter night because of no winter tires. My other girl friend’s boyfriend asked her to help him pay for his car bills. And my Indonesian colleague  was asked by her African bf to send him an Iphone for a present.  How about that?

I am sure there are some other horrible stories that are repulsive and turns off a woman as fast as turning off a light. Men may not be aware that some women like me are highly observant with small gestures of act of chivalry displayed during dates, courtship or when in a relationship. (This is something that I do intentionally to see my date's character.) And if he fails on one of my checklist, then he loses a brownie point in my book.

The movie with Mel Gibson “What Women Want” is exactly this- an act of chivalry done naturally and effortless without making it appear like rehearsed. It is only as simple as that. Women do not actually complicate things as men thought they do. If men are only aware that all we want is just to be treated well. Period.  If a way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, then a way to a woman’s heart is through the good old chivalry. 

Sad but true. The good old chivalry among men in this day and age is a rare commodity to find. You don’t see it much often unlike before. It’s like finding a real diamond among a cluster of  cheap crystal stones.  From a certain vantage point, they all look the same but the a real diamond has a distinctive brilliance that outshines the rest of the fake crystals.

If you find a man that treats you well now a days, celebrate and thank God for that. But if he goes out of his way to make you feel extra special and treat you like a queen, then  grab that man by the neck or by his balls and marry him or somebody else will.

Well, I will.

How Crazy Can You Get About Love?

Will you go all the way? Or will you test the waters first before you dip your toes?

 People do all sorts of things when they fall in love especially us women. I admit , I am one of them. I do outrageous  non-conventional stuff for love but one thing I won’t do and will never do is to kill myself for anybody. Oh, no way!

I’ve heard atrocious stories how women go to great lengths as allowing their partners to have flings, flirt or one night stand or much worse a side affair just to keep the man. Ok…I won’t do that either.

But it’s true that when a man started to sweep us off our feet and starts showing care, attention  and love, then the battle is over. He has totally captured our hearts. And that’s when we go gaga over him, and go head over heels to the man who we thought is the “one” for us.

I think, most of women believe in a fairy tale existing in real life. That one day a knight in shining armour will come to rescue us from the dark castle or the frog we kiss will turn out to be our prince charming.

Nothing wrong with that I guess. I did kiss several frogs that didn’t turn out to be my prince charming but instead remained to be toads, thankfully.

When one love fail, we keep on trying and searching for the one for us.

Some women not all though, change a part of themselves to be liked more by their partners. Some shower them with material things and pamper them or stroke a man’s ego to hold him to stay in a relationship.

It continues to puzzle me why do we push the magic of love to happen by doing an extra mile for the object of our affection? Doesn’t  it take two to make it happen? If there’s only you to push the relationship forward, sooner or later, you’ll get tired and feel sorry for yourself until you ask yourself a silent question, “ Why am I doing this?”

When you see a man’s signs that he’s not into you, stop right there and smack yourself in the head. Promise.You’ll thank me for suggesting this. At least I saved you for further emotional and financial disaster. A man who loves you truly will move mountains and risk himself to be with you. Plain and simple. If you have started spoiling him with material things or  you get him used that you’re the one giving more of your emotions and time, remember that you will only be good as long as you give. If you got nothing more to spare, then chances are, he’ll turn cold or worse leave you either abruptly or gradually.

Women basically are prone to be deceived by superficial "love like" affections or even deception by men. Not because women are naïve and gullible human beings. But simply because we believe in “they-live-happily-ever-after” fairy tale stories.

Don’t we all wish that to happen in every relationship we have?

In a wedding when a bride dons a wedding dress.... fully dolled up, doesn’t she feel like a princess who found the prince who'll marry her and take her to a horse carriage headed to his castle? Tell me if I’m wrong, every woman yearns to wear the wedding dress of her dreams.  During my first wedding, I concentrated more on how the wedding dress would look like more than how my marriage would be like. Eleven years after, the fairy tale  marriage failed to have a happy ending.

It’s our nature I guess, as women to fantasize as princesses  eversince we were little girls. But the truth is, we must realize that love is a two way thing. We should always receive the love we deserve without compromising ourselves and let alone losing our self respect and dignity. Love comes freely and unselfishly given without anything expected in return or without changing the person to fit to the image of one's ideal partner.

A certain post on Facebook caught my attention and I memorized it by heart it says " If love and affection are not given freely, then it's not worth having."

Don’t give up on love even if you fail for the umpteenth times.  The fairy tale that you hope for will surely become a reality, in just a matter of time.

Love yourself more and be happy on this Valentine’s day.