Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Am I scared of the big 5-0? Well…uhmmm aahhmmm…still contemplating.
Seriously, I hope that nobody would ask that. As you can see, I can't even reply a simple yes or no to a simple question.
The truth is, I'm not just scared but terrified of the big 5-0.
Long time ago, when we say you were turning 50, you were expected to look matronly like, more sophisticated in taste and style of dressing,refined choice of jewelries and must be at the peak of your career and laying the grounds for retirement at 60. In other words, reaching the big 50 before means- fun is over, baby. That's the old picture of a 50 year old woman years ago.
However, in this day and age, images and lifestyles of women have evolved gradually and gracefully. When we think of matured women along the late 40s and pushing 50s, we can now visualize a Demi Moore and Madonna look alike with voluptuous body and toned biceps donning a mini-skirt strutting arm in arm with their dates 10 years their junior.
Now this is when I wish I'm 50.
Thankfully gone are the days when people would give a rocking chair, a crochet thread and hook as presents to a woman of 50. (God forgive me if I'll get that on my 50th birthday. I think hell will break lose.)
I'm lucky that I belong to this generation when growing older- ouch! that hurts.
Ok let's sugarcoat this. I mean growing more matured bespeak of embracing more life's adventures without fear, taking risks without holding back and making giant leaps brazenly in the next stages of life. And if this is so,then what's there not to be proud about being a golden girl?
Oh, but for the record, I just turned 48 today. Two years from now, I will officially be a golden girl. And when that time comes, I think the first thing I'll do is to utter a Samantha Jones dialogue of "Who cares what you are, just enjoy it. Or I will wear whatever and blow whomever I want as long as I can breathe and kneel".
But for now, I'll enjoy being 48 and think about 50 when I get there.
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Yes, I was. Keep those eyebrows down. Ok, not really… I look like I just had a date with Lestat de Lioncourt, (the French nobleman turned into a vampire in Anne Rice's Interview with a vampire) who had a feast on my neck after starving himself for two weeks.
Pallid. Dizzy.Weak. Shortness of Breath. All of these started on Monday evening.
It was kinda odd why I've been longing for intermittent rest after every activity. I know myself since I've been indulging into physical strenuous activities since September especially after I stopped the disgusting smoking habit. My stamina doing badminton, brisk walking, running, samba and weight training has grown by leaps and bounds. So there's no way that I'll experience shortness of breath just by climbing the school's plight of stairs.
However, last Monday evening, as I was pounding my keyboards, I felt a certain light headedness, weakness and almost turned the palms of my hands including my face as white as paper with my arms and legs numbed. Ok I rationalized or fooled myself a little that maybe it was over-fatigued. I slept over it- hoping that it would be better the next day.
But Tuesday, got worse.
I went to school without my usual perky, vibrant mood ( not intentionally though) and told the kids that "Teacher Joy is a little bit sick. Let's play nicely and go easy on me today..." In other words-no shouting, no rough playing and do what you're told by your teacher!" And that solved the problem.
However, I continued to feel weaker like a burning candle losing its flame. And more pallid too- a transformation from a run-of-the-mill computer white paper to the whitest of the white A4.
Quite disturbing, huh? I thought so too.
So right after work, my husband brought me to ER to find out what's going on. A neurologist first ruled out any signs of brain injury or nerve related issues that caused my dizzy spells. After doing a similar to sobriety test (walking on straight line and do what I do) and look-where-my-finger goes kind of examination, she said everything is alright.
Until the result of my complete blood test results sprang up the monitor and voila, my red blood count is low/ my white blood cells are higher than normal.
In other words, anemia! Now, that kind of put my heart in place why I've been feeling this way. I'm still clueless why this happened but later today, my dear husband and I will continue the ER saga to hear what the gynecologist and internist will have to say.
In the meantime, I'm hunting for Buffy, the vampire slayer to help me finish off the throngs of vampires on earth- I can't be a vampire victim for so long.